March 17, 2015

TrishBits #4: Control Is An Illusion

If you work too hard to control, you’ll never feel good enough.

What are you trying to control? How’s that going for you? My sister-in-law and I swear we’ll write a parenting book on this someday – the idea comes from years of soul talks over coffee about our combined 6 children and their bouts with life-threatening disease, learning disabilities, heartaches, frenemies, medications, nights in jail (yes, I said it), triumphs out of nowhere, and breakthroughs that no one saw coming…. All, despite our best efforts. They simply grew up, thank God. And while we were working overtime, the Universe had better plans.

If You Work Too Hard to Control, You’ll Never Feel Good Enough

If you imagine that your ‘job’ is to control, fix, or fend off trouble, whether with kids or work or relationships, then you’re always ‘on.’ And you’re never enough. You’re always trying to figure out how to make up for something, prove something, or dodge imagined disaster. You’re exhausted and insecure. You’re getting in the way of the Universe. Here’s more about how to get out of your own way.

But, when you let go of the illusion of control – when you stay in your own business with boundless love – then you find that you are already ‘enough.’ There’s nothing to prove, nothing to make up for. There’s just life, with all its messiness.

I got a call last week from a lovely woman caring for her elderly husband, worried about how to prepare him for moving into a nursing home. They were spending precious hours arguing over what might be best for him. I asked her why she imagines that it’s her job to prepare him. “Life is preparing him, don’t you think?” If you can let go of the illusion that it’s all up to you, then you’re more likely to connect, joyfully, with loved ones who are on their own journey.

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