June 9, 2016

TrishBits #23: Control Dramas Don’t Work

Stay in your own business

Control Dramas Don’t Work

When someone in your life provokes feelings of dread, anxiety, fear, anger, or hopelessness – you’ve got two basic choices to make in this relationship. Either get clear about your own boundaries, or fall into the trap of Control Dramas.

Control Dramas are those patterns of relating in which we try to make someone else behave differently. They can take different forms: being sweet but manipulative, getting rageful, withdrawing in order to control, being relentlessly intrusive, playing the victim to elicit guilt, and so on….

It doesn’t work to control other people. You’re faking it, for one thing – your rage is actually fear and your sweetness is actually resentment that’s building and building. It’s a strategy that’s unstable. It will not work in the long run. Even in the short run, it’s exhausting.

Real boundaries actually require a total letting go of what the other person will or will not do. Your boundaries are all about your behavior, your needs, your energy. You honor your boundaries with your behavior, not by controlling someone else.

Want to know more? Enjoy my teleclass recording on Boundaries for Southern Women.  

 

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